Worth fighting for?
by Believe78
Summary: Alicia and Peter dealing with Alicia's decision about their marriage. Is there still something left worth fighting for?
1. Chapter 1

_My way of dealing with the events of 'A Material World' and the aftermaths of Alicia's decision._

_Thanks go once more to Kiki for being my sounding board and encouraging me to go on writing for our couple 3_

_I don't own them. If I did there wouldn't be any need for this story ;)_

* * *

_"Not another one."_ Alicia couldn't help the thought shoot through her mind when she entered her office and saw the enormous bouquet of flowers on her desk. She sighed while she hung her coat, reaching for the vase to place it out of the way. She didn't even bother to read the card that was tucked in between the flowers. She already knew who had sent them - Peter.

It was the second bouquet within a week. Not to mention the case of her favorite red wine that had been delivered just yesterday. All came attached with a note saying the same thing in general. How sorry he was for the fight, his harsh words and that he hoped she would reconsider or at least give him a chance to talk once more. She was sure to find the same contents in the newest one, so she saw no need to read it now.

She sat down behind her desk and went through her notes on a file for a client that she had a meeting with in less than an hour. She had no time to dwell on thoughts about Peter and their marriage. She had forced herself not to think about the decision she had kind of pressured on Peter since they had seen each other the last time at his office. She still remembered how confused she had felt when she left him that day; irritated about his behavior. He had just pretended, as she now knew, to comply with her demands for a 'fake marriage'. She had felt ambivalent about his demeanor. A part of her was glad he didn't keep on arguing, trying to make her change her mind. But she also felt something else, something she couldn't quite define.

"Not now." she said to herself, shaking her head to ban the thoughts from her mind and tried to concentrate on the file in front of her. It worked for a while but she caught herself from time to time just staring at the flowers. She was glad when her client arrived and told her secretary later on before she left for court to put the vase in the conference room where she wouldn't be forced to see it all the time.

A few days passed without new gifts or flowers from Peter and she hoped he had given up because she hadn't reacted to any of it. She had briefly thought of texting him a 'Thank you' after the last bouquet but decided against it as it might have opened up a way for a dialogue she couldn't have with him. She had made her decision and she would stick with it. How she had no idea and she tried to ignore the uneasy feeling in her stomach when she thought about Peter. She was aware that sooner or later her kids would get to know the new arrangement in their parent's marriage. Zach's comparison to The Clintons had hinted that he suspected something already but she had decided to deal with that when faced with it and wouldn't bring up the topic herself.

She had just gotten back to the office from a long day in court and was going over some case files when her cell rang. She checked the caller and saw her own home number on the display.

"Hi!" she answered as only one of her kids could be on the line.

"Hi Mom!" Grace greeted her.

"Hi Sweetie. What's the matter?"

"Nothing special. We were just wondering when you get home. We made dinner."

"You made dinner?" she asked in a skeptical voice.

"Yes, Zach and I made dinner." Grace answered.

"Ok, who are you and what have you done to my kids?" she laughed, still not believing that her kids actually knew how to use the stove.

"I'm not joking, Mom. We really made dinner and the house is still in one piece. We had a little help. So when will you be home?"

"Help? Is your uncle Owen there?" she hoped it would be her brother and not her mother. She couldn't handle her after a day like today.

"No, not uncle Owen." Grace answered hesitantly.

"Who then?" she sighed, mentally preparing to spend the evening with her mother.

"Dad is here." Grace finally said.

"Your Dad?" she tried to leave the outrage from her voice.

"Can you put him on the phone, please." she sighed soundless, getting up from behind her desk.

"Sure. Everything alright, Mom?" Grace sounded worried.

"Yes, Grace. Just get him on the phone." she started walking around her office, trying to calm down while Grace walked away to get Peter. She couldn't believe that Peter had really dragged the kids into this.

"Hey Babe." Peter greeted her casually.

"How dare you, Peter?" she hissed back, aware that he might be standing next to her kids.

"Yeah, I'm sorry we had to give the surprise away by calling..." he went on but she cut him short.

"I want you out of my apartment when I come home, Peter. And no more gifts or flowers. It won't change a thing. And don't get the kids involved. I will tell them when I see it fit."

"Alicia, please. Let us talk about this. I never got a chance to say something about your decision. A decision you made for yourself without thinking for a moment that it affects other people, especially our kids. When did you become this selfish, Alicia?" he growled at her and she knew he was no longer within the kid's earshot.

"You're the one to talk about selfishness, Peter. If you think this will make me even consider to think about talking to you ever again about something else than the kids you're out of your mind. And now get out of my apartment!" she didn't wait for his response and hung up. She tossed her cell on the desk and fell into her chair. She just stared blankly at the floor for a while before a sound behind her made her turn her head.

"You want one, too?" Cary was standing in the door frame holding up two bottles of beer.

"Sure." she nodded, smiling and he walked over to sit down opposite her, handing her the second bottle.

"Are you ok, Alicia?" he asked after they had taken the first sip.

"I'm getting there." she admitted, briefly wondering why the question didn't piss her off the way it had done when Peter had asked it.

"I'm sorry..."

"Don't, Cary. Let's not go there. Can we just sit here and drink our beers?" she didn't want to talk about the last days, not with Cary or Peter. Just sit and think about nothing for a change.

"Sure." Cary nodded and toasted her silently.

Two weeks had passed since she had last spoken to Peter. The gifts had stopped and the only time she had heard from him was when his secretary called her assistant to check on some dates he needed her to appear at his side. They hadn't even talked to each other on how to deal with that picture of Zach.

She had come home that evening to an empty apartment, the kids had already been in bed and the remains of the 'family dinner' had been cleared away. She had poured herself a glass of red wine and sat in the kitchen for a while replaying the fight with Peter that had taken place here in her head. And again she wondered why she hadn't snapped at Cary earlier for asking if she was ok like she had at Peter. Was it because she thought he didn't really care how she was doing because she grieved for Will, a man he had disliked nearly since the day they had met. But was it fair to Peter to think like that she asked herself while she took another sip from her wine. Wasn't it more like she had needed to hurt someone else because she was hurting and Peter seemed like the perfect target. But thinking back now, throwing the scandal back in his face had been a low hit she wasn't proud of. She drank the last bit of her wine, deciding to go to bed. She left the room, switching off the light in passing when she looked back to the counter an image suddenly appeared in front of her eyes - her kids and Peter preparing dinner together just hours ago. They laughed and joked, happy to spend time together. She closed her eyes and as she opened them again the image was gone but a single tear ran down her cheek. She was quick to brush it away, banning all thoughts about Peter from her mind. She would stick with her decision, she had to.

She was clueless on why all this went through her head now while she was sitting outside the courthouse during a break. She had successfully pushed it away but now it flooded all back and she didn't know how to stop it. Had it been Grace by telling her that Peter would pick her and Zach up in the evening as they were spending the weekend with him or was it just the fact that she couldn't ignore it any longer? She sighed deeply, taking a sip from her coffee. She realized she had to deal with it. Maybe it wasn't too bad that she had the weekend to herself. It was also about time she figured out a way to tell her kids. She knew Peter hadn't so far. She had feared he would've after heir last argument on the phone but none of the kids had said a word.

She checked her watch when her cell rang. The break was nearly over and she got up from the bench while answering the call.

"Hey Mom." Zach greeted her.

"Hi Zach, I'm in a hurry. I have court in a few minutes." She grabbed her purse and walked towards the entrance, throwing her coffee in a nearby trash can.

"This won't take long, Mom. I just wanted to tell you that I got into NYU. The admittance letter came today." she could hear the happiness in his voice and a smile spread on her face.

"Congratulations. I'm proud of you, Zach." she stopped in front of the entrance.

"Thanks, Mom. Now go kick ass in court." he laughed.

"I will. And we will celebrate this tonight." she hung up but kept her phone in her hand, dialing a number she knew by heart. Peter's number. But before she hit the call button she hesitated. It felt natural to call him with this good news. But could she still do it with the kind of arrangement she had forced on him. No contact unless it involved their public appearance or the kids. This was clearly related to the kids but the reason she had wanted to speak with him the second she had hung up with Zach wasn't purely to exchange the information. She had wanted to share the happiness and pride she felt for their son. She put the phone back in her purse and walked a few more steps towards the entry. Why did she always feel the need to run to Peter when something good happened? This and another question circled through her mind, the second one probably posing the bigger mystery. Why couldn't she let Peter comfort her? Why did she keep pushing him away when deep down she knew he wasn't following a hidden agenda, that all he wanted was to be there for her. She absent-minded turned her wedding-band and the ring Peter had given her when she had agreed to renew their vows, wondering what it would feel like if she took them off for good. The thought scared her and she pushed it away but not without wondering why it affected her that much. Wasn't her decision the first step in that direction?

"Mrs. Florrick?" her client appeared at her side, jerking her from her thoughts.

"We're going to be late." he told her and she nodded, following him inside the building. Her thoughts had to wait again.


	2. Chapter 2

_For Kiki and Randi 3_

* * *

"Can we talk?" Peter looked up to Eli standing in the doorway, the look on the face of his chief-of-staff told him it was something urgent that couldn't wait.

"Sure." he nodded, tossing the papers he was reading on his desk. He watched Eli close the door and walk into the room, stopping next to the couch.

"Maybe we can do this here? It's a private matter." Eli smiled nervously.

"Private, Eli?" Peter got up from behind his desk and joined Eli on the couch, sighing silently while preparing for some bad news.

"I've been sitting on this for a few days now, but I think you should know. Have a right to know." Eli said slowly while opening up a big envelope.

"What is it? Another picture of one of my kids with drugs?" he chuckled tensely.

"No." Eli sighed. "I wish it was." he added in a low voice as he produced some pictures from the envelope.

"Someone from our staff took these a few days ago." he handed Peter the photos.

"You have people following Alicia?" Peter snapped as he recognized his wife in the picture. Alicia was sitting in a restaurant with a man he didn't know.

"Well, not really following. I like to know what the people I deal with are doing, Peter. So I might get a head start if something goes wrong."

"Eli, stop following my family." Peter said seriously and handed Eli the pictures.

"Can we talk about that later? You need to see these."

"What is so scandalous about them? All I see is Alicia having lunch." he flipped through the few more pictures in the stack.

"Do you know the man she's having lunch with?" Eli nodded his head toward the pictures.

"No, I guess he's a client." he stated impatiently, not really sure where Eli was headed with this question.

"I wish he was, Peter." Eli sighed.

"Are you suggesting..." Peter trailed off as a memory shot through his head.

_'You are free to see and sleep with whomever you like, but I don't want to know.'_

Alicia's voice rang in his ears just as painful as it had been when she had actually said the words to him. He hadn't spent a thought about really doing what she had told him he could do - sleep with someone else. He still believed she would change her mind about the open marriage arrangement. He wasn't ready yet to let go of their marriage, even trusting that she'd agree to give them another chance. Though he had to admit that his hopes had faded after she even refused to show up for the dinner with the kids. The anger in her voice that night had been palpable, hurting him more than a slap to the face would've done.

"Is everything alright, Peter?" Eli eventually asked, jerking him out of his thoughts.

"No, nothing is alright." he sighed, closing his eyes, wishing for a small moment all of this would be gone once he opened them again.

"My marriage is over, Eli." he murmured, saying the words out loud for the first time.

"You're overreacting, Peter. This photo doesn't mean... You're both stressed. There has been a lot going on in the last year for both of you. You need a vacation, time to talk. This will pass, Peter." Eli tried to cheer him up but he looked right through his crisis manager façade. Peter knew that Eli's mind was racing to find a solution to have them stay married.

"If only it were that easy, Eli. I feel like she's drifted further away from me than she did right after the scandal surfaced. I have honestly no idea why she stayed with me all this time."

"She loves you, Peter. That's why she stayed and that's why you'll get through this rough patch as well." Eli continued.

"I have no reason to believe she still loves me. You should've seen her. That anger towards me." he buried his head in one hand.

"Ok, Peter. Now I'll need more information. What happened?" Peter could hear from Eli's tone that he had left the crisis manager behind and switched to be the friend, he realized, he desperately needed.

"We had a fight...a few days after Will died. She wasn't working and the kids got concerned. They called me and I went over to talk to her. I know now that I went with the wrong approach. I tried to snap her out of her lethargy but I was not at all ready for what she told me." he closed his eyes again, exhaling deeply. It had been painful to deal with this on his own, but telling it to someone else tortured him even more.

"I never wanted to stay in this marriage just for appearance. I wanted it to work again, really work. I knew we'd never get back to how it was before my cheating but I had hoped we could get to a different place to start anew because we still loved each other. That love kept her by my side, not a false sense of duty." he kept his gaze at the floor. It seemed easier to talk about it if he didn't look at Eli, pretending to have a conversation with himself.

"I'm still at a loss for what happened when you talked to Alicia. But you don't need to tell me, Peter."

"I haven't told this to anybody yet. I tried to deal with it by myself, tried to get her to talk to me once more. Hoping she'd change her mind. But now I see she's already doing what she told me I could do." his glance rested on the photos, Eli had given him. He had no idea how he felt. Only a few weeks ago he'd been filled with jealousy and rage while looking at these pictures. Now he just felt empty and defeated.

"She wants a fake marriage, Eli. She told me to do whatever I wanted and we stay married because we are valuable to each other's careers." There, he had finally said it. Breathing seemed somehow easier now but it also felt strangely more real, like he finally admitted this was truly happening.

"And you think she's already exercising this open marriage?" Eli asked carefully.

"Didn't you show me these pictures because you thought the same, that Alicia was having an affair?" he turned to eventually look at Eli again. The other man just nodded lightly.

"And you did so without knowing what I just told you. Do you agree now that my marriage is over?" he asked rhetorically.

"So, you'll just accept this?" Eli was clearly taken aback.

"What should I do? She's not talking to me. She even refused to show up to a dinner with the kids." he replied wearily.

"Should I talk to her?" Eli suggested charily.

"No, this is between Alicia and me." he shook his head.

"What will you do?"

"I have no idea, Eli. I have no idea."

* * *

Another two weeks had passed with no contact to Alicia. Peter hadn't tried to get in touch again. He had used the time to think about his options on how to deal with the situation. It had taken him a few days to reach his decision. A decision he had never thought he'd make. But once he had made up his mind he didn't waste any time to set it into motion and today would be the day he'd tell Alicia.

It was the night of Zach's graduation party so not his first choice on dealing with their marriage as this event should be solely about their son. But as chances were slim he'd get Alicia to meet with him, he would take this opportunity.

It felt strange to have Alicia by his side nearly all evening with her acting as if nothing was wrong. It hurt him to see how she clearly had no problems with pretending they still were a couple but it somehow strengthened his belief in his decision.

Finally the last guests had left and Zach and Grace had joined some of their friends for another party. He had stayed back in the kitchen while Alicia accompanied her brother to the door. He leaned back on the counter, looking around the room where so many of their fights had taken place. It was somehow ironic that this talk would happen here as well.

"Oh, you are still here." Alicia stated indifferently as she walked back into the room. He couldn't help but snort at the fact that her mask fell the moment they were alone.

"Yes, we need to talk." he said determinedly.

"I have nothing to say to you, Peter." she walked over to the cabinet, retrieving a wine glass from it and filling it.

"Ok, then you can just listen." he stated as he tossed an envelope onto the counter.

"What is that?" she looked up from her glass. "I told you to call my assistant with the appointments you need me to appear at."

"No worries. This will clear your schedule." he said as coldly as he could manage. This was much harder than he had thought. Part of him wanted to start begging her to give him another chance, but his mind kept telling him it was pointless. He had lost her. Her behavior made it all the more clearer for him that he had made the right decision.

"What is it, Peter?" she turned, putting down her glass.

He swallowed hard as he looked at her. This really wasn't what he wanted but he saw no other way out.

"The divorce papers. I have already signed them."


	3. Chapter 3

"The divorce papers. I have already signed them."

Peter's words hit her unprepared. She tried to not let her shock show. She had thought he wanted to talk her into changing her mind. She never thought he'd ever consider getting divorced, but there they were, the papers that would end their marriage. She had no idea what to think. A thousand thoughts rushed through her mind in a blur she couldn't make sense of. She only realized that one was missing; the impulse to reach for the envelope and sign the papers as well.

"If that's what you want, Peter." she hoped he couldn't hear the slight quiver in her voice.

"You leave me with no other choice. I can't live like this. I'd rather face the consequences than going on with this charade. Just sign and you're free to do whatever you want." he said determined but avoided to look at her, his gaze lingering on the envelope.

"I'll think about it and let you know." she said in a low voice, trying to end this conversation. She had no idea why but she felt tears bubbling up inside of her and she wouldn't want Peter to see them.

"What is there left to think about? You decided on the open marriage in a heartbeat. Don't tell me ending it will take any longer. Don't pretend like 'us' still means something to you."

She swallowed hard at his harsh words. They hurt her and she got an idea how he must have felt when she told him she only wanted to stay married to keep up the appearance for both their careers.

"You better leave now, Peter. I have nothing more to tell you." she turned her back to him, grabbing the edge of the counter hard as she felt the tears rising again. She hoped he would leave now as she knew she couldn't pull herself together any longer.

"Why doesn't that surprise me? Goodbye Alicia."

She could hear the sadness in his voice as he passed by her and as soon as the door fell shut behind him, the first tears rolled down her cheeks.

She had no idea why Peter's decision hit her this hard, but she wasn't able to stop the tears. She still held on to the counter while her body trembled under heavy sobs. She had no idea how long she stood there, not able to move. Finally she felt like she had no tears left and she sighed deeply while she wiped her face dry. She turned and her gaze stopped at the envelope containing the divorce papers. She stumbled backwards, the thought of picking them up alone was too much for her. She turned again, determined to leave the room but then she thought of her kids. She couldn't risk them finding the papers so she walked back, picked the envelope up and took it with her into her bedroom, putting it away in a drawer.

She fell on her bed, watching the dark ceiling, trying to make sense of her thoughts and feelings. Wasn't divorce the logical end to their marriage that only existed on paper any longer? Her decision had brought them to this point. She had ended their relationship without asking for Peter's opinion on it. Now he had done the same to her, probably thinking she had only waited for this, ready to sign the papers. Personally it seemed like the only solution to their hopeless situation, but it might be catastrophic to their careers. That's why she had said she wouldn't divorce Peter. But was this really the reason or was this just something she told herself and him so she didn't need to think for the real reason behind it? Was she really ready to let go of her marriage? A marriage she had stayed in after Peter had betrayed her love and trust in the worst way possible.

She thought about a few days back, when she had been on her way to meet Daniel, who she had met during jury duty, and stood outside the bar, contemplating if she should go in. She had asked herself whom she was faithful to by not going inside, killing any chance of getting to know Daniel and seeing where this might lead. She had pushed the thought away back then, not sure she wanted to know the answer, doubting she was ready for it. She realized she needed to find out now, a decision ahead of her that would have far more impact on her life than any other in a long time.

She yawned, the long day and emotional turmoil taking its toll on her. She turned to her side, realizing she had played with her wedding band the entire time. She wondered about it briefly before she fell asleep, delaying her decision.

* * *

A few days had passed and she wasn't any closer to a decision. The struggle with Cary and Diane's proposal had occupied her.

"Alicia?" she looked up from her file and saw Jackie standing in front of her desk. She suppressed the need to roll her eyes and plastered a smile on her face.

"Hi Jackie."

"Can we talk?" the older woman watched her seriously and Alicia had a good idea what this was about.

"Sure." she gestured towards the chairs in front of her desk.

"I'd prefer somewhere more private. Don't you have a room with doors?" Jackie glanced disapprovingly around her offices and Alicia wondered how often she had heard someone complain about the lack of doors in her firm.

"We could go for a walk?" she suggested and stood up when Jackie nodded.

A few minutes later they walked down the street side by side.

"So what can I do for you, Jackie?" she turned to her mother-in-law.

"Let my son go. Sign the divorce papers, Alicia. End this sham of a marriage." Jackie looked her straight in the eyes, giving her words more emphasis.

"It's not that easy, Jackie." she glanced down, avoiding the other woman's stare.

"It's easier than you think. Staying in a fake marriage is the harder part, keeping up appearances because you think it's the right thing to do. You don't want to admit the defeat to others, especially your kids, so you torture just yourself to spare them the pain. And that's only what you will have to go through. You no longer love Peter, but he still loves you." Alicia shook her head softly at Jackie's last words.

"Don't deny it, Alicia. He loves you and that's why this fake marriage will destroy him, like mine destroyed me. I can't let you do that to my son. So please sign the papers, Alicia." Jackie's voice had become nothing more than a whisper when she had finished her little speech. Jackie didn't wait for an answer from Alicia but turned and walked away, leaving her behind, stunned and confused.

Jackie's words circled through her mind, making it impossible for her to concentrate on her work. So she left early to come home to an empty apartment. She found a note from her kids telling her they wouldn't be home for dinner, so she poured herself a glass of red wine, slowly walking to her bedroom. She changed into more comfy clothes, sitting down on the edge of her bed, staring at the drawer containing the divorce papers. She took a large sip from her wine, slowly walking to the dresser, retrieving the envelope from it. She tossed it on the bed, sat down, crossing her legs, watching the piece of paper that could change her life forever.

She still had no answer to what kept her from signing. Deep down she knew that Jackie was right, that the fake marriage was torturing them both, though she doubted it would destroy Peter easier than herself. She distrusted Jackie's words about Peter's feelings for her. Part of her believed he had already executed his right to sleep with somebody else. The thought hurt her but she didn't linger on it, refusing to explore the reason for that pain. Instead she reached for the envelope, letting the contents slide on the cover. She leaned back, scanning the top page of the papers. She decided against reading it, something she would never advise to a client, but somehow she knew that Peter wouldn't screw her on this. She turned and reached for a pen in her nightstand before she slowly pulled the document towards her. She found the last page, placing the tip of the pen on the line reserved for her signature. Her last thought before she moved the pen to sign was that she had started this with her decision to turn their marriage into a sham. Peter had only done the next step. She let the pen fall out of her hand, feeling a tear run down her cheek. It was done. Over 20 years of her life had come to an end. She took her glass from the nightstand, emptying it in one gulp. She got up from the bed and walked into the kitchen to get a refill.

"Hey Mom." Zach's voice from the hall startled her and she hurried to wipe the tears from her face.

"Hey! You're home early." she smiled at her son.

"Can I talk to you a second?" Zach entered the kitchen.

"Sure. What's up?"

"You know I'm leaving for New York in a few days for my summer job." he walked around the kitchen island, stopping next to her.

"Yes. Do you need anything else? Need help packing?" she hoped he couldn't see she had cried.

"No, I'm nearly packed. But I wanted to ask if you, Dad, Grace and me could have dinner together before I leave. Just the four of us. Can you and Dad make time for that?" he looked directly into her eyes and she saw how much this meant to him.

"Sure, Zach. I'll talk to your Dad. We will find the time. I promise." she smiled though she felt like crying again as she thought about how she would ever be able to tell their kids that she just agreed to divorce their father.

* * *

She dropped by at Peter's offices the next day. She just passed by his assistant when her cell rang. She stopped, retrieving it from her purse.

"Yes, Cary?" she answered impatiently after checking the caller ID.

"No, I couldn't open the attachment on the phone." she replied to Cary's question.

"No, I'm not near a computer where I can check my emails. Can't it wait until I'm home in probably an hour?" she told him, trying to get rid of him.

"You can go inside, Mrs. Florrick and use your husband's computer. He's not in at the moment." Peter's assistant interrupted her.

"Hold on a second, Cary." she took the phone down, holding it to her chest.

"He's not in?" she glanced at Peter's assistant who shook her head in confirmation.

"Ok, Cary. I have a computer now. Just give me a minute." she put the phone back up while walking into Peter's office, heading behind his desk, sitting down. She opened up the laptop on the desk and waited for the screen to wake up. Once it was ready to use she reached for the trackpad to access the browser but before she could click the icon she realized the wallpaper and stopped her movements. It was a picture of herself, smiling, her glance away from the camera. She felt like the wind got knocked out of her, unable to breathe. She couldn't really believe what she saw.

"Alicia?" Cary's voice startled her.

"I will have to call you back." she ended the phone call, still staring at the screen, not sure what to think.

She closed her eyes, leaning back in the chair, exhaling deeply. Once she opened her eyes again, she let her glance wander over the desk, suddenly realizing the other pictures of her and the kids. One of all four of them had been taken last year at the Shamrock Dinner. They were all sitting on the same stairs she had the talk with Grace about her not being an accident; that they both had very much wanted a second child. She could still hear the words in her head when she closed her eyes:

'_This isn__'__t about responsibility. This is about love. I loved you before you were born. And I loved Zach before he was born. And I love you even more now.__'_

'_And Dad?__'_

'_I love him.__'_

She had meant it that night, realizing then for the first time in a long time that she really still loved him. She opened her eyes, her gaze wandering over the framed photos and the laptop screen, feeling yet another tear roll down her cheek. Suddenly only one thought circled around her mind. _What had changed? _What was different now than it had been that night? What had really driven her to push Peter so far away that it ended with signed divorce papers? She still had no answer for this.

"Hi Alicia."

Eli's voice startled her and she hurried to brush the tears from her face.

"Hi." she got up from behind the desk.

"Peter should be back soon." Eli walked towards her, raising an eyebrow. She knew he saw she'd been crying.

"Are you ok, Alicia?" his voice became softer.

"I'm good, Eli. But I have to go. Tell Peter to call me." she rushed by him and left the room.


	4. Chapter 4

Here it is. The last chapter of this story. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did writing it :)

Thanks again to Kiki and Randi for your help and being the best sounding boards one could hope for 3

* * *

She leaned back and just watched her family sitting around the dining-room table, wondering when would be the next time they'd all be in a room together. She had insisted to cook herself for the dinner Zach had wanted before he left for New York, wanting to make it special by not going to a restaurant. And she also hoped to get to talk to Peter. She had thought a lot about their situation and finally knew what she wanted.

"You want another piece of cake, Zach?" she reached for his plate.

"No, Mom. I'm full." he laughed, rubbing his stomach.

"Let me at least feed you as long as I can." she put another piece on his plate as the doorbell rang.

"You expecting someone?" Peter asked her.

"I am." Zach answered.

"I thought this should only be the four of us, Zach. Who is that?" she watched her son, confused.

"That's Sam. He's picking me up. We're leaving tonight, Mom." he smiled weakly at her.

"Tonight? Now?" she couldn't believe Zach's words, letting the cake server fall on the table.

"I thought you were leaving tomorrow afternoon. I thought…, I had planned…" she felt tears well up again but she swallowed them. She had known this moment would come but had hoped for a few more hours until she had to say goodbye.

"I know, Mom, but we'll beat traffic this way." Zach got up from his seat, walking towards her, hugging her.

"It's ok, Zach. Go get your stuff." she stood as well, pulling him in a tighter embrace.

"I'll be home for Thanksgiving, I promise." he smiled at her, loosening the embrace.

"I know." she brushed a tear away that had escaped though she really didn't want to cry.

Alicia watched Zach say goodbye to his sister and father before she hugged him one more time and accompanied him to the door. She stood in the door frame until he had stepped into the elevator. She still watched the spot long after he had gone when she heard steps behind her.

"Are you ok?" she felt Peter's hands slide around her waist, pulling her in an embrace. She froze for a second, not being used to his closeness any longer.

"I'm sorry. Old habit." he pulled his arms from her body but she held him back, covering his hands with hers.

"It's ok, Peter. I guess we both could use a hug now." she turned, putting her arms around him as well. They stood in silence for a while, Alicia realizing how much she really needed that hug.

"It'll be ok, Alicia. We can visit him over the summer." he paused. "I mean not together, each of us on our own. Together wouldn't be appropriate." Peter's voice gotten bitter as he stepped back, gazing at the floor.

"No, it wouldn't." she muttered under her breath. "I wanted to talk to you about that." she walked past him towards the kitchen.

"Did you sign the papers? Is that why you came by my office the other day?" he followed her but stopped in the doorway.

"I did sign them, Peter." she looked at him and it seemed like a shadow fell over his face, as if the last glimmer of hope he still had for them had left.

"Good. I'll have them delivered to court. Just give them to me and I'll leave." he still wasn't looking at her.

"Can we talk or do you have to be somewhere?" she asked hesitantly.

"No, I don't, but I have no idea what you might want to talk about. Now that you've signed, I guess we said it all. Theoretically we're divorced, Alicia. So what's left to say?" he peered up but avoided looking into her eyes.

"I'm no longer sure I did the right thing by signing, Peter." she started carefully, watching him for a reaction, but he stared motionless at a spot behind her.

"What do you mean?" he finally said after a few moments of silence.

"I think I shouldn't have signed. I don't want a divorce."

"And I can't go on with this fake marriage. I won't, Alicia. So there is no other solution." he looked down on the floor again, but she had seen the pain in his eyes.

"So, you really want a divorce, Peter?"

"You know that I don't want it. But I see no other way out. Don't you think we have suffered enough?" he peered up.

"I guess, but don't you want to know what made me change my mind?" she walked towards him, leaning against the counter, facing him.

"I'm not sure, Alicia." he stepped into the kitchen and sat down on one of the stools at the kitchen island.

"It was you, Peter. You made me reconsider my signature." she passed by him, sitting down as well.

"Me? How? We have barely talked in weeks." he looked at her puzzled.

"It was nothing you said. I saw your wallpaper at your office the other day when I dropped by to give you the divorce papers."

"I don't understand, Alicia."

"I was so sure you had already slept with someone else. That and the talk I had with your mother pushed me to sign. But then I saw that picture of me on your laptop and everything fell into place again. I finally knew you're the one I still want to call first when something good happens, the one I want to turn for help and advice. You're the one I want to be faithful to, Peter." she knew she was talking too fast and probably not making sense but now that she had started talking she couldn't really stop.

"I don't really get what you're telling me, Alicia. And what has my mother done?" he asked her confused, interrupting her flood of words.

"She told me I should agree to the divorce. She said some things that made me sign but then when I got into your office I realized I had been blind for a long time. I saw that picture of all four of us from that gala last year and I remembered a talk with Grace I had that night where I realized I really still loved you, Peter. This made me think about what had changed since then? What had led me to push you away so far that I was sitting there with signed divorce papers." she paused and took a deep breath.

"Will's death…it threw me completely off track. I questioned everything. My work, my whole life, the roads I didn't take, the missed chances. And I couldn't get the 'what if's' out of my mind. What if I had chosen him back in college? What if I hadn't broken it off two years ago? It drove me crazy, Peter, and it hurt. I was hurting and I guess I wanted to hurt someone too. I chose you as my target. I'm not proud of what I said to you, destroying us with a few sentences and not giving you a chance to say something or to understand why I did it. Maybe because I didn't understand it either. All I knew was that he was dead and I'd never know what would've been if I had taken another road somewhere down the line. I sabotaged my own life, my own happiness. I might not have said it, but I was happy with you before Will died. And I realized that sitting on your desk, seeing you still had my picture on your screen even after I told you we were done. It showed me your mother was right. You really still loved me. And I realized that I still loved you too. That love made me chose you over him and that is why I want to stay married to you, Peter." she had finally said it. All that had been going through her head during the last few days. She noticed she had stared at her hands the whole time, playing with her wedding band. She looked up at Peter who sat motionless, his gaze again at a point behind her.

"Say something, Peter, please." she whispered after a while, trying to smile.

"Do you really mean all that?" he muttered after another few moments.

"Yes, I want option number three, Peter. Not a fake marriage or a divorce. I want us again, but this time for real. I want you to get rid of the house and move in here because I want us to have a home again that we both come home to every night." she reached for his hand carefully, covering it with hers.

"You think we can do that? You really think we can fix this?" he finally looked into her eyes.

"I think we can, if you still want to?" she whispered, hoping he didn't think their relationship wasn't beyond repair.

"I never wanted anything else, Alicia." he eventually flashed her a small smile, his hand moving under hers, interlacing their fingers.

* * *

"We're here." Eli appeared from the front of the bus, announcing their arrival at the site of the event.

"Give us another moment." Peter answered.

"Sure, but explain to me again why we needed this bus? It's hardly warranted for a State's attorney campaign." Eli rolled his eyes and raised a brow at them.

"Just go with it, Eli. You don't need to understand everything." Peter winked at Alicia as she looked up from her speech.

"Alright, I give up. I'll wait for you inside." Eli declared before he stepped out of the bus.

"You ready?" Peter turned towards her.

"I hope so. I still can't believe I really agreed to run for State's attorney." she smiled at him as she stood up.

"It was the right decision, Alicia. And you'll do fine. I know it." he stood as well, reaching for her hands.

"I'm glad you're here for my first speech." she peered into his eyes.

"I wouldn't miss it for the world." he smiled at her before he placed a kiss on her forehead. She put her head on his shoulder and felt his hands slide around her waist, pulling her closer. Alicia lifted her head, letting her hands travel up his arms around his neck, leaning in so their lips could meet for a tender kiss.

"Are you happy?" Peter asked once they'd broken the kiss, their foreheads touching.

"Yes, I am."


End file.
